Tuesday, June 27, 2017

The Idiot's Guide to Being Counter Meta

So you've finally come to your senses and realized this "meta" thing is a load of crap? Ready to try some crazy shit like Truthiness? Good. We crazy people have more fun. And isn't that what playing games is all about? So without further ado, I present my five step guide to being counter-meta.

Step #1: Find the Thing You Hate
Embrace the dark side. You know you have a combo that you hate. Demolisher with Engine Techs (yay nerfed!). Rhymerballs (yay nerfed!). Ace Holes (yay nerfed!). Massed flotillas (yay ner...wait...). Whatever it is about your meta that drives you crazy, pin it down to an exact element. Have you got it? Good.

Step #2: Refuse to Use It
This is what separates you from all the other lemmings. They seem something powerful and cave to the power. Not you. You toss it aside like it's moldy cheese. Fuck Demolisher. You don't need that crutch. Fuck Biggs and his Mustache Ride. You'll turn him into paste. You don't beat fire with fire. You beat that little flickering flame into submission with a mother fucking hurricane.

Step #3: Hunt It With No Remorse
Your hunt starts with explicitly countering whatever it is you hate with a single minded focus. That is the central drive of your initial list building. For now, who cares how you do against other combos. You only care about that single abomination. Only when you've found the kryptonite do you move on to the next step.

Step #4 Evolve the Threat
Once you've figured out the counter and do it consistently, you can then start to adapt your counter into something more well rounded. Carefully strip things down bit by bit, making calculated trade off to keep your primary counter to your hated foe while adapting to the secondary threats.

Step #5: Make Your Point and Move On
By now you have a counter list that can handle outliers to the meta. DOMINATE. Crush that punny Store Championship with nothing but Ace Holes. Teach Rhymer that this is YOUR HOUSE. Once you've done that and you've proven your point, drop the mic. Some poser will probably come in and try to replicate what you've done. But guess what? You're a counter meta ass hole. You now hate what you created. And now it's time to destroy your creation.


  1. Do you want Garms?

    Because this is how you get Garms...

  2. Why post this when the meta is back up in the air (FAQ, wave 6)? Fluff and no content.

  3. If only that worked out for you during the Maryland Regional.

    1. Wow so angsty. It's a silly joke piece. Notice it's the "Idiot's Guide." Spoiler: I'M THE IDIOT

  4. Whether this was intended as a joke or not, there is some reason to it. For example, I hate Rhymer, so I never play him. Even though he was nerfed, it won't be enough to stop Rhymer balls

  5. Always the anonymous biatches that have the most to say. Absolutely 0 balls. I loved the piece. Looking forward to the next one.

  6. Great laugh, greater truth